


Lies To Myself

by lushmia



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: F/M, Love Story, NaruHina - Freeform, NaruSaku - Freeform, Naruto is depressed, Sad, SasuSaku - Freeform, endgame narusaku, naruto is heartbroken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lushmia/pseuds/lushmia
Summary: Naruto never got over his love for Sakura. After all those signs, drugs, cigarettes, sake, and pain, she was still to naive to take a fucking hint.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 4





	Lies To Myself

(i know naruto is with hinata, but this is just a fanfiction) in the endgame, narusaku. (AU)

* * *

Sasuke is marrying Sakura, and you're attending their wedding tomorrow as best man.

_Sasuke is marrying Sakura, and you're attending their wedding tomorrow as best man._

It doesn't hurt.

It doesn't hurt.

_It doesnt hurt._

Ever since Sasuke and Sakura began dating, and he was told the news from the cheery girl herself, he began a smoking addiction. He hasn't been able to stop. It eased his pain, only by 1%. 1% was the most he'll get, and he'll take anything life will offer at this point.

Oh, the pain he suffered was indescribable, and too complicated to put into words. He loved Haruno Sakura, with all his heart. His world, planets, and universe revolved around her, and he'd kill himself to see her happy.

Ever since they were kids, he's been hurting. Sakura has always loved Sasuke, and thought of him as nonetheless of a close friend.It's all he thinks about, the only thought that comes to his mind. As if he's unable to function without her. Everything she left behind became his everything. A wound forever stuck in his heart.

He wouldn't think secondly about finding another girl to replace her, she was simply unbeatable, and nothing compared to other girls.

Today was their wedding day. It doesn't hurt. He kept telling himself. The single sentence repeating in his head for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only a minute.

_**The pain.** _

_**It was coming back.** _

Besides smoking, he sometimes took pain relievers, and drugs. One day, Sakura did catch him, and scolded him like his Mother would.Little did she know, she was the cause.Naruto thought to himself that he should win an Oscar. He's been putting on a act since he was 12, and now he's 22. He should win the best Oscar in the world.

He popped 5 pain relievers in his mouth, and slid it down with some water. The healthy amount was two, but he didn't care. He then reached out his back pocket, and lit the cigarette. The scent of smoke fills the small area of his apartment that would look better if Sakura was in it.

_**Inhale,** _

_**exhale.** _

As the smoke passed through his body, it cleared his mind. He didn't care if his lungs were black, and it would cause him to die. He didn't care about death. In Heaven, he'd be able to peacefully dream and think about Sakura all he wants.

As he was relaxing, his phone lit up. He could care less. He could honestly throw the bitch out the window. He didn't care about his friends, but he acted like he did, or else it would be impolite.He cracked an eye open, and read the sender.

* * *

Sakura:Hey, idiot! I hope you're ready for the party today, cant wait to see you!

* * *

_Funny._

_**He almost smiled at the message, but his feelings caught himself first.** _

He tossed his used cigarette somewhere in the dark room, and almost considered lighting another one, before remembering that Sakura was expecting him somewhere at a certain time.

With a sigh, he stepped into the bathroom, regretting being born.

* * *

“Naruto, your here!" the pink haired girl greeted, engraving him in a hug that could crush his bones. He loved how warm, and genuine her hugs were. Her hugs were like no other. He hugged her back, getting a nice smell of her cherry blossom shampoo he wished he smelt whenever he needed comfort. As she let go, he slowly did too, and offered the girl a smile.

_He was happy to see her._

He then saw the teme approaching. The cause of all of his pain, for all these years. To everyone else, they were the best of friends, but to Naruto, his biggest enemy. Naruto despited him with a burning passion.

“Teme, my man. Congrats."

he spoke, doing their handshake. Sakura was in a beautiful wedding dress that tightly hugged her curves and displayed a little bit of her abs. Naruto loved how she was shaped, he loved everything about the girl. Sasuke followed along with their handshake, before pulling him into a man hug. Naruto wanted to Rasengan him right there on the spot, he's wanted to for years.

"Hows you and Hinata, dobe."

he asked, completely ignoring his congratulations. Aggravating bastard. Oh, yeah. He tried to get close with Hinata to get over Sakura, but it only added more fire to the flame. Their relationship was perfect to the media, but was toxic behind closed doors. Hinata knew how much he loved Sakura.

"Perfect, as always."

with his signature smile. Naruto really deserved to win an Oscar. Sasuke nodded, before another friend of his greeted him. Thank god, he couldn't stand talking with him no matter what the deal was. Naruto sighed, before taking a seat at a nearby table.

He wanted to take 10 pain relievers, smoke 5 cigarettes and down 3 bottles of Sake. Lord knows he couldn't right now. Instead, he tried music. He popped in his earbuds, and let the world of music take him away. Happy music disgusted him, because he could no longer relate to it. He preferred music that fit his situation. He was currently listening to some random song he's never heard before.

He's spoke to everyone, Kakashi-sensei, Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, Shino, Gaara, and others. Now he didn't wanna be bothered at all.

_**Great.** _

He felt a tap on the shoulder, and looked up to see his former sensei offering him a drink, as he accepted, and snook a glance at it. Not even 5 ounces. What good is this supposed to do me?

"Thanks, Kakashi-sensei dattebayo!"

with a thumbs up, as his sensei sweat dropped, with a smile and walked away.He hated that stupid catchphrase he used to say. It reminds him of when he used to be happy. When he walked away, Naruto downed the drink in one go, and then tossed the glass into a nearby trashcan, before hearing that the ceremony was starting.

_**Great.** _

_How was he supposed to get through this living hell?_

“Haruno Sakura, do accept Sasuke Uchiha as your forever husband?"

_Say no._

“I do.“

"Sasuke Uchiha. Do you accept Haruno Sakura soon to be Uchiha, as your forever wife?"

_Say no you bastard._

“I do."

"You may kiss the bridge."

Everyone clapped, as Sasuke placed a ring on her finger, and bought their lips together.

_**No.** _

_**No.** _

_That should be me._

_**That shouldn't be Sasuke.** _

Naruto looked down at his shoes, and clapped so he wouldn't fit out of the crowd.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Those words teared him apart. He couldn't take this, Naruto pictures out the closest bathroom, and took a dash for it. He heard names calling him from behind, and ignored it.

The bathroom smelled like piss, but he didn't care.He found the closest toilet and began to throw up. He didn't eat anything bad, or took too many pills. It was that moment. The words, the sight, everything about it.

He kept puking up his feelings, before hearing the door crack open. He could tell from the husky breathing from smoking, that it was Shikamaru. What could that son of a bitch possibly want?

"Dude, are you okay?"

he asked, patting his back as the puking continued. He couldn't get that scene out of his head. Naruto shook his head no, trying to act along as his usual self. Shikamaru sighed, clearly panicking.

"Ill get some medicine."

Good.

Don’t get the lame shit.

Get the good ones.

So I can take plenty.

And pass out, and forget this bullshit ever happened.

Shikamaru dashed out the bathroom, going in a direction Naruto didn't care about. 5 minutes later, his puking had stopped, and he flushed the toilet, hoping it would start again, so at least his mind would be off that situation. And as if on que, Shikamaru rushed in with three pain relievers and a bottled water and handed it to the man.

"Thanks, dattebayo."

the dattebayo quieter than usual. Naruto swallowed the drugs like a pro, then threw the water behind right with it.Shikamaru gasped, as his eyebrows furrowed. Shikamaru was clever in all cases.

“Naruto, do you regularly take these?"

he asked. Naruto's eyes widened. Damnit. At all the times to slip up, you choose now? No point in turning it down, he knows.

"Shikamaru, there's something ive been hiding." he could trust Shikamaru, and knew that. He was his first true friend."Whats going on?" he asked, taking a seat next to Naruto.

"W-"

"Shika?"

a feminine voice called, which seemed to be Temari, Shikamaru's fiancé.

"Hey Temari-san, dattebayo!",

the blonde greeted, obviously faking once again.

“Hey, Naruto."

she responded with a wave, before slightly looking around.

"Ill be out in a minute."

as she nodded, and heard her footsteps fading, and he gestured for him to continued talking.

“I never got over Sakura."

he simply said, and Shikamaru understood with only those 5 words. He sighed, and moved his hand to Naruto's shoulder.

“If you love her, you wanna see her happy. Shes happy right now. That should be more than enough."

he comforted, before getting up and taking his leave. He let those words sink in.Thats true. He wanted to see her happy, and he was, but he wanted to see her happy with him, not with his bestfriend.

Naruto sighed, knowing Shikamaru wouldn't spread the information because he wasn't like that.

What would he do now?

He fixed himself up, and exited. He gave a phony excuse that he'd caught a bad sickness of some sort. Shikamaru glanced at him as he did, and texted him right after, though he told himself he'd check it when he was home. Naruto rolled his eyes in secret, as he entered his car and began to drive off.

_**Home.** _

He was finally away from this mess. He was lost in his thoughts, not thinking about the road. Not thinking about the road. He almost missed a turn. Would've been better if he missed it, because he then crashed straight into a 1800-wheeler.

* * *

“Hes awake!"

"Dobe?"

"Naruto?"

"Naruto-kun?"

"Wake up, damnit!"

Naruto cracked an eye opened to the point where nobody would notice, and made sure to keep his chakra masked. He saw, Ino, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Hinata, and Sakura.He honestly felt like kicking everyone out except the pink haired girl. He wanted to be alone. What the hell happened anyways? He tried to sit up, as a huge pressure piled against his chest, as he groaned.

"Oh no you dont. Rest your body."

Sakura said. He groaned, he had unwelcoming headache, and was hooked up to all types of machines.He decided that'd he'd drop the act for now, because there was no way he could.

"What even happened?"

he asked, glancing around the room. Shikamaru smirked before answering his longing question.

"On your way home, you decided to drive straight into a 18-wheeler."

He groaned, that does awfully sound like him.

“Shit."

he mumbled. Where would he find the money to pay these hospital bills? And his car is ruined. Just great.

"Get out, all of you. He needs space."

Thank god at least one person in this room understood him.As a few of them complained, shrugged, and nodded, eventually they all left the room, and he was left with Sakura.She walked up to his chest, before forming green chakra and beginning to pump it into his chest. Her chakra felt amazing. It was like a beautiful forrest straight out of a movie with a beautiful ray of sunshine, and a never ending waterfall right in the middle of it.

"Really, overdose Naruto?"

That caught him off guard, he snapped his blue eyes open. Sakura wouldn't spit false information, and surely wouldn't handle lies. He had no choice.

“Pain relievers and smoking."

he answered, wishing he could use those two things right now.Naruto tears up for Sakura. The sadness presses on her neck and he bows over in his seat. He tried to hold it in. He swallows and chokes on the sobs bubbling from his throat. He clenched his eyes shut tight tight. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Sakura pats his back in comfort, before sighing.

"What's wrong Naruto?"

Naruto growled furiously under his breath. After all those signs, drugs, cigarettes, sake, and pain, she was still to naive to take a fucking hint.

It's the day before his 23rd birthday. Shaking, crying, and bleeding because the depression has settled deep into his skin. In his hips, his ribs, his stomach, his thighs. Years of bottling it up, drinking illegally to get it out. It doesn’t come out unless it’s red and aching and itching days later. The little red lines proof of how he loves. How powerfully he loves and how much he doesn’t want to. Punishment for loving. Punishment for punishing himself. For having the audacity to care for anyone because he’s disgusting and hates himself and would rather die.

* * *

_**"Girls like you,** _

_**they just don't understand.** _

_**Didnt mean harm but you killed a man. Loving you never was in the plan,** _

_**stuck in your ways,** _

_**I sink in your sand."** _

* * *

He confessed, as the sobbing had now stopped. He was now confessing, and all Sakura could do was stand there, face getting redder by the second.

* * *

_**”Swear I saw it coming,** _

_**im a fool for wanting.** _

_**You don't wanna be rushed,** _

_**you don't wanna be touched.** _

_**It's a shame girls like you don't know how to love."** _

* * *

Sakura was slowly becoming to understand the meaning of this.

* * *

_**”Tried to give you my all,** _

_**but its not enough.** _

_**Cant you see that im falling?** _

_**For you and you only."** _

* * *

Naruto was on the edge of a breakdown. Sakura was repeating history in her head from the moment she met Naruto up until now, trying to recognize her feelings for him.

* * *

_**“And its crazy the things i would do for us,** _

_**but the stars dont align,** _

_**their not here for us.** _

_**Its a shame girls like you dont know how to love.** _

_**Wish my feelings would've turned from love to lust."** _

* * *

She was slowly realizing..

* * *

_**"In my dreams,** _

_**in my hopes,** _

_**in my mind,** _

_**they remind me of you.** _

_**Should've left when I could,** _

_**cant get out, I don't know what to do."** _

* * *

She might..

* * *

_**"You can take my grave,** _

_**cause I cant be saved.** _

_**Like a grain of sand lost in a tidal wave."** _

* * *

love..

* * *

_**"In a broken place.** _

_**No,** _

_**I cant be traced."** _

* * *

him..

* * *

_**"Wish you handled my feelings in better ways."** _

* * *

back.

* * *

“I love you."

"Me too."

"HUH?"

Sakura had teared up, realizing how stupid and naive she was. She wasn't anywhere near happy with Sasuke. She was happy with Naruto.


End file.
